I have a dream, a song to sing ….

4 March 2012

I have a dream, a song to sing….

When I was in high school our principal loved playing this very famous song, “I have a Dream” written and sung by ABBA, nearly every second Monday morning at assembly.

Whenever he heaved his stereo onto the podium all students heaved an audible and collective sigh of yet another one to come.  The message did not sink in, try as he might, 14 year olds were just not interested in listening to the message and it was just another song we heard ad nauseam.

I didn’t mind the song, it has a good tune and I have played it over the years many times.  In fact, it is one of my favourite CDs in my collections – ABBA Gold – and I play it often.  When I listened to it today I felt inspired, dancing to the music and subsequently it had lead me to this post.

These last few weeks have been very trying.  My nearly 3 year old daughter has been pushing every boundary she could to the utmost, obviously feeding off the stress that I was under.  As a single parent sometimes the pressure will get to me as it would to anyone else.

If you noticed my absence from writing, here’s why…..

I am in the process of signing up with a franchise to start a business changing to a completely new direction in my life, doing something that I have come to love and enjoy – photography.  I am certainly not ecstatic that I’m buying a franchise but I am excited at the prospect of being able to combine photography with an income.  As we all know, franchises are not the optimum way to go but in this case, with a clear head, proper due diligence I believe I am doing the right thing.  I still have some self-doubts but I am also very determined to make it work.  To finance this I was hoping to be able to sell my eBay bookstore which I have been running for the past nearly 7 years and whilst it has elicited tremendous amount of interest no sale has been achieved as yet.  It is well priced so that is not the issue here.   I guess it is a matter of the right person coming along.  That in itself has put more pressure on me.  Why do I have to climb the mountains rather than going the most direct way to get to my destination…? mmm…

Back to… I have a dream

I have dreamt to have a successful business for so many years and have climbed so many mountains to get to this point in my life.  With this I have put myself under pressure and forgot to step back and realise that what I have IS a successful business and that I have been successful in many things I have done over the years.  For so many months my focus has been incredibly strong to move forward and I allowed myself very little ‘me’ time which in turn created stress and in turn was an unhealthy environment for myself and my daughter.

Last night I was invited to my neighbours for a pool & spa party, a very impromptu event.  On my way out I grabbed a bottle of Amarula Liqueur to bring along and trundled over to my neighbours.  We had a great time and best of all… no hang over the next day.  Instead a day feeling more relaxed and happier than I have felt in a very long time.  It is good to just chill out and not think.

My message today is to everyone and in particular to all other single parents… you are doing a great job, keep that in mind and follow your dream but remember to stop from time to time and smell the roses. 🙂

Below are the lyrics to this song if anyone needs some inspiration… wonderful words indeed!

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream

Photocredit: Co-incidence has lead me to this photo and when I read the article I could not agree more with what the little girl wrote and actually resembles mine very closely… “to have a true boyfriend”. 
Please note: I am not promoting this blog in any way it just happened to turn up unexpectedly.  (http://live.regnumchristi.org/2012/02/the-spark-of-a-dream/)

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FREEDOM, FAMILY and FUN

26  January 2012

FREEDOM, FAMILY and FUN

Happy Australia Day…. a day to celebrate being Australian.

I wasn’t born in Australia but I have been living here for well over fourteen years.  As soon as I could, I applied to receive my Australian Citizenship.  I am proud to be Australian and very patriotic too.  To me, Australia Day holds a special significance.  It reconfirms my commitment to living here.  Not once in my entire fourteen years have I looked back and wished I was “back home” where I was born.  In fact, quite often throughout the months and years I have had moments where I felt incredibly grateful for what I have here available to me compared to so many others in this world.  There is just one word for it and its called FREEDOM.

What would it be like to keep looking over your shoulders to see if you are followed? 

I used to live in a beautiful country, lots of wild animals and yes, in my early years a lot of freedom.  This freedom changed slowly over the years as politics became more heated between the different races and war erupted, crime took over and a human’s life was worth nothing.

I had the best childhood years.  My parents had a huge house and garden (well huge in the eyes of a 10-year-old kid) and definitely huge in today’s standards.  I don’t remember my life until about age 4 or 5.  I remember we had a tricycle my sister and I shared, it was one of those really sturdy ones and blue.  I would be the one pedalling and my sister stood on the back of it.  One day we took it out onto the roads (unbeknownst to my mother) and went down a hill that was a bit too steep.  My sister became scared and jumped off which left me to tumble front end over, again and again.  The resulting bitumen scrape marks with blood and gore on my nose, forehead, knees and elbows where hard to conceal from my mother, who was needless to say, more than a bit angry at us doing what we should not have done in the first place.  This was quickly replaced by concern about me howling my face off.  (I knew how to make the most of this!).

We also built the most amazing “farms” in the dirt outside the garden.  It was complete with roads and cars and paddocks stocked with plastic animals.  To top it all off, we even managed to catch a few corn crickets (terribly ugly-looking things) which we tried to keep inside the fences.  The plastic fences were usually held in place by soft sand and obviously no match for this big beast.  Once, we managed to find a chameleon in one of the big trees we had in our garden.  We always climbed the trees.  It was pitch black and its two eyes kept moving in opposite directions, hissing at us to stay away.  I was fascinated by this creature and to this day feel a close affinity to a chameleon.  I spend many school holidays on a farm owned by a family friend with very few responsibilities.  As a kid I was really fortunate.  Those were good days….

Fast forward to my adult years.  We grow up and then realise that the long summer months of playing and freedom are gone for good.  Games replace the need to create a living.  Freedom is replaced by having to make choices every single day of your life until one day you wake up and realise that there is more to life than work and money and status.  My wake-up call came the year when I was doing really well in all areas in my life. I was managing a jewellery store for a very large, well-known company.  The shop was doing well, we usually met our targets and life was generally good… until the day the store was held up at gun-point. Freedom was replaced by fear, endless fear and continuously looking over your shoulder.  There is nothing quite like this fear.  Many more unrelated incidences followed that year and a good year turned into a horror year.  The talk of crime was on everyone’s lips, there was no escape.  It was then that the decision was made to migrate to Australia.

What does it mean to be Australian? 

For me, not one Australia Day celebration is the same.  I feel good when I am able to see families and friends gather together with their extended families, usually in a park or on the beach, having a barbecue (BBQ) followed by a game of cricket or other outdoor games.  If you closed your eyes you would be able to feel this energy around you.  The smell of BBQs in the air, the sounds of kids laughing intermingled with adult laughter and the sound of the cricket ball it makes against the bat when it strikes; followed by the hollering and cheering of success.   I love seeing these gatherings because they represent everything that I always long for.  FAMILY.  Huge big families, with lots and lots of kids of all ages, FUN and laughter.  I feel good when I see images on the television that night showing the various celebrations.   Many more people receive their citizenship on this day, a day of CELEBRATION and it is also a day of remembrance for those who have fought in the wars to give us this FREEDOM.  Maybe one day I too will have these very large family gatherings but for now I am just happy to be here and enjoy what I have.

  To me …. THAT is Australia Day  ♥

There’s a little man invading my dream….

17 January 2012

There’s a little man invading my dream….

It’s been a few days since I last posted something on here and I think I am having “blog publishing withdrawal symptoms”  (BPWS)

This happened partially due to work commitments but also the good ol’ writer’s block that has crept in on me.  The weather has played its part on my feelings too.  After having had several very hot days it has been raining non-stop.  I don’t mind the rain, just a ray of sunshine every now and then would have been nice, thank you very much….

So instead I thought I will share with you a poem that I have had for many years and read it every now and then (meaning every couple of years actually).   I do not claim my name to fame in writing this.  I pass this on to a girl who visited me in another country many years ago.  Her name is Stephanie.  Last name unknown.  She passed it on to me when I was going through a particular tough time.  This poem reminds me that WE DO HAVE OPTIONS and helps me sometimes with making some tough decisions.  I hope this may help someone out there too.

So if you recognise this as your poem, Stephanie, please contact me so that I can give you the credit where credit is due.

————————————————————

There’s a little man invading my dream

I cannot see him, and they can’t hear me scream.

I’m no hero, I want to save no souls

Just deliver me from evil as they say the story goes.

God cannot help me, for man he did create

And seemingly, intentionally, to leave me in this state.

No-one to hear my story, they’ve stories of their own

So other than a letter, I’m in this one alone.

A deep breath now, the tears bite back

And I’ll sit here at this table ’till I know how to attack.

First examine feelings, this much I have learnt

Carefully discover if I’m angry, or I’m hurt.

The second step are options, what to do and when

and once I have them sorted, confront the man,

and then….

Oh dear, he’s being nice to me, with this I cannot cope

All my well strung arguments in my throat are choked.

So I’ll resort to writing poems, they are my saving grace

And I’ll sleep on this tonight, perhaps the morning I can face.

(this poem is copyright protected)

Single Parents Dating

Parents Wanting Partners

Welcome!

1 January 2012, Happy New Year!

This is a blog for single parents.  With this blog I am hoping to raise the awareness of single fathers, single mothers, relationships and hopefully change the perceptions of many towards the often associated stigmas as a single parent.

This is a blog about single parents who are rebuilding a shattered life after a relationship has ended and at the same time being the best they can be to their child or children.

Lastly, this is also about my own journey of growth, as a single mum with a beautiful toddler daughter, who has helped me find myself and experience more joy than I had ever thought possible.

Raising Little Miss M* is a project I had wanted to write about for quite some time and since there is no better time than the present, with a new year ahead filled with hopes and dreams, opportunities and a renewed energy I have not felt these last two years, why not just do it. I am hoping to share with you the highs and lows as a single mum and other interesting stories that may come along, helping others to heal, to laugh and to cry … all part of the process.

Why Parents wanting Partners?  When I first separated all I wanted to do was to immediately find the man of my dreams and replace the man who was my dream, rebuild a family life that no longer was.  When my daughter was born my visions were of her father and her mother (me) walking along the beach together, holding hands and watching our child grow, together.  Life does take interesting turns and twists, often very unexpected and there is usually little room for negotiations.

My immediate need became a concern when I realised that most men in my age group (40 – 49) were looking for women eight to ten years younger than they were (to have kids with).  And the men who were just a few years older than me, aged between 51 to 57, were usually no longer interested in “doing the family thing” and were experiencing their own mid-life crisis, wanting to travel and ride a motor bike.  Phew, this was not going to be easy!

And then there was this new group of men.  Someone I would not have considered if I didn’t have a little girl myself. Men, who are full-time single fathers! A very often underrated group of devoted fathers who are doing what single women have done for many years, just quietly there in the background, going along their daily lives.

“The role of a parent is to provide hope to a child in an uncertain world”.  (Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart)

After discovering this whole new world of dating “difficulties” where children are involved I realised that there is more to this than meets the eye.  I have met several full-time single fathers for coffee or dinner and kept hearing the same stories over and over. I have also met a few fathers who are struggling to come to terms with no longer being able to see their children as often as they used to and shared their pain more than I wanted to admit (to them).  This is a topic I will soon write more about as it does lie close to my heart.

I hope you enjoyed my writing for today.  I am new to blogging but certainly would appreciate your comments, feedback or your own stories if you would like to share. Over the coming days and weeks the next few topics (in no particular order) are:

  • A mother’s voice
  • A father’s voice – the other side
  • I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
  • There you go!
  • Camera, lights, action!
  • Just do it!

*Little Miss M is used to keep identities private