Third Date Rules – part Two

08 February 2012

The Third Date Rules – part Two

Third Date Rules for over 50’s
I am new to dating what is the Third Date Rule?

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Since my last blog The Third Date Rule, it has become clear to me that there is a definite need for more information about this rule.  More and more people have been searching answers to these terms on the internet and all point in the same direction.  What are the third date rules for over 50’s? or I am new to dating what is the Third Date Rule? are two of the more common questions.

Whether your are new to dating or have dated for a while, whether you are 20 or over 50, the question is still the same and needs an answer.  To simply say that it is a myth or a misconception is no longer a good enough answer for those who want to know.  It is obviously something being spoken about and there is a need for further clarification.

Dating should be an exciting time with minimum complications and it usually is.  Suddenly you hear the term “the third date rule” and you have no idea what it means.  What are you supposed to do, or not do?

What does it mean and where did it come from?

In short, the word “rule” is misapplied in this phrase.  There is no rule (per se).  The phrase has become more popular since Charlie Sheen used it in the TV sitcom “Two and a half Men” a few times and it refers to him usually striking it lucky on the third date with a girl. Not everyone watches the sitcom and thus is confused what this all means.

So therefore, what this rule implies is that people are more comfortable (and trusting) to have sex with someone on the third date rather than on the first or second date.  It is important to note now that you should only do what feels right for you and when it feels right for you and not let yourself be pressured into being intimate with someone when you are not ready to do so irrespective of how often you have seen each other before you do so.  There is no right or wrong time to decide when to take it to the next level, whether it is on the first, third or tenth date.

Since this phrase is now more popular these days, there is an unspoken expectation that the third date is “the” date that things might happen with some action in bed.  If you intend to play for keeps and you are not in a hurry to ‘test the goods’ so to speak, especially not on the third date, then there is no reason why it can’t be delayed by another date or two.  I personally reject the third date rule out of principle and since doing so feel more at ease and relaxed towards my date when we are on date number three.  If my date is not prepared to wait then I have lost nothing at all and just move on.

Getting to see your date for the third time also adds another dimension to the whole dating game.

On your first date you are taking in a lot of information, then go home and ‘digest’ all of what you have heard, what you have seen and anything else that has happened on that date.  The mind is tricky and usually remembers the ‘good’ stuff, the good vibes, and the feel-good endorphins kick in especially if the date went great.  Your radar may not have been up.

Come date two and you get another opportunity to assess this other person who could potentially become part of your life.  More information is filtered through to your brain and it confirms to you that “yes, you like this person and want to see him/her again”.

And then comes date three.  At this point you are not sure what to do next because you “know” there is a “third date rule” but have no idea what to do with it and might actually feel some apprehension about these unknown perceived expectations.

What do you do on a third date?

It is very simple:  YOU decide if there is to be a so-called “rule” or not with your new date.  If you are concerned of your date’s expectation for your third date and you’re not ready to be intimate, then you could casually mention something prior to meeting each other that you’d be happy to meet “without expectations”.   Saying “without expectations” makes it pretty clear that it’s just another opportunity to meet each other, get to know each other without taking it to bed.

Talking about it beforehand allows you to feel confident and comfortable  to meet your date and before you notice it, you’re on date four.  What happens after date three is entirely up to you.

I just don’t get it….

19 January 2012

I just don’t get it….

In a previous blog I wrote about the Third Date Rules.  Since this blog went live I have had several conversations with men and women who are on the dating scene who shared with me why they agree that the third date IS a very important milestone in today’s modern dating world.  We all know and accept that long gone are the days where everything develops at a snail’s pace.  Everything has become instant – i.e. instant gratification.  This includes text messages, emails and chats prior to meeting each other.  It is rare to find people who don’t use their phones to text.  By the time you meet you already know a lot of each other.

Another interesting fact is that the longer you chat on the internet from first making contact with each other the less likely you are to meet each other.  If you follow the most basic rules:

* don’t tell someone your address,
* always meet in a public place, and
* make sure you are not followed when you go home

then there is no reason to delay meeting each other.

As a single parent on and off the dating scene I have always maintained a very simple CHECK list:

(C) Character:  Who is this person in front of me, is he who he says he is.

(H) Healthy Relationships:  Take time and ask about his relationships with extended family members (subtly please).  The answer reveals a lot about the person in front of you.

(E) Easy to be Around:  Do you have common interests? It is ok not to share everything but there has to be something.  Does he love sport but you hate it? Warning flag should go up.

(C) Children: Does he have an interest in your own child, i.e does he ask you about your child(ren) out of genuine interest.  We all know to watch how people interact with our kids but watch out for the one who shows no interest in the early days, it won’t change over time.

(K) Kindness:  I love this one.  How does someone react in a restaurant when the food is of a poor standard and should be sent back?  Kindness goes a long way.

I just don’t get it…

why are people not honest on the net?

I cannot tell you how many guys I have had to listen to who complain about women dating on the internet who lied about their age, have a photo 10 years younger than they are, describe themselves as other than what they really look like and the just plain negative profiles  …  until I point out to my date that guys do exactly the same and that I too have been caught out with a few who did it to me.   My dates then go on and tell me how they take the time to send out personal emails and just don’t get a response back; or that they have paid for so many coffees, meals etc and never to hear from that person again.

I just don’t get it … 

why do they have to complain about such people…. move on! NEXT…

Recently I met a guy I thought had a lot going for him, we clicked on many levels and ‘sealed the date’ with a couple of kisses and cuddles. We agreed on a time and place for a second date, chatted on the phone a few times during the week and confirmed our second date for that Friday.   Do you want to know what happened next?

Nothing… absolutely nothing!… not a  phone call to cancel, no text, no email… just no nothing!  Silence, total silence.  No, he wasn’t in a car accident because he was still active.

Yup, you guessed it… I just don’t get it when…

….someone does not have the decency to say “hey, I think you’re great but you’re not the one for me”… what’s all this kissing and cuddling and just disappearing?  I just don’t get it!

Single Parents Dating

Parents Wanting Partners

Welcome!

1 January 2012, Happy New Year!

This is a blog for single parents.  With this blog I am hoping to raise the awareness of single fathers, single mothers, relationships and hopefully change the perceptions of many towards the often associated stigmas as a single parent.

This is a blog about single parents who are rebuilding a shattered life after a relationship has ended and at the same time being the best they can be to their child or children.

Lastly, this is also about my own journey of growth, as a single mum with a beautiful toddler daughter, who has helped me find myself and experience more joy than I had ever thought possible.

Raising Little Miss M* is a project I had wanted to write about for quite some time and since there is no better time than the present, with a new year ahead filled with hopes and dreams, opportunities and a renewed energy I have not felt these last two years, why not just do it. I am hoping to share with you the highs and lows as a single mum and other interesting stories that may come along, helping others to heal, to laugh and to cry … all part of the process.

Why Parents wanting Partners?  When I first separated all I wanted to do was to immediately find the man of my dreams and replace the man who was my dream, rebuild a family life that no longer was.  When my daughter was born my visions were of her father and her mother (me) walking along the beach together, holding hands and watching our child grow, together.  Life does take interesting turns and twists, often very unexpected and there is usually little room for negotiations.

My immediate need became a concern when I realised that most men in my age group (40 – 49) were looking for women eight to ten years younger than they were (to have kids with).  And the men who were just a few years older than me, aged between 51 to 57, were usually no longer interested in “doing the family thing” and were experiencing their own mid-life crisis, wanting to travel and ride a motor bike.  Phew, this was not going to be easy!

And then there was this new group of men.  Someone I would not have considered if I didn’t have a little girl myself. Men, who are full-time single fathers! A very often underrated group of devoted fathers who are doing what single women have done for many years, just quietly there in the background, going along their daily lives.

“The role of a parent is to provide hope to a child in an uncertain world”.  (Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart)

After discovering this whole new world of dating “difficulties” where children are involved I realised that there is more to this than meets the eye.  I have met several full-time single fathers for coffee or dinner and kept hearing the same stories over and over. I have also met a few fathers who are struggling to come to terms with no longer being able to see their children as often as they used to and shared their pain more than I wanted to admit (to them).  This is a topic I will soon write more about as it does lie close to my heart.

I hope you enjoyed my writing for today.  I am new to blogging but certainly would appreciate your comments, feedback or your own stories if you would like to share. Over the coming days and weeks the next few topics (in no particular order) are:

  • A mother’s voice
  • A father’s voice – the other side
  • I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
  • There you go!
  • Camera, lights, action!
  • Just do it!

*Little Miss M is used to keep identities private