Toddler, running with wolves….

20 January 2012

Toddler, running with wolves…

It’s 5:15am and I wake up to the pitter-patter sound of my daughter’s feet on the tiles as she shuffles down the hallway to my room.

“Hello Mummy”, I hear her say with a bright smile on her face.

I know it is still too early for her to be up. “Oh Miss Magu, why are u up so early?” I sigh, wanting desperately to be still asleep.

“I got a poo!” she pipes, “I got a poo!”.   There is nothing I can do but get up and change her nappy.  I explain to her that it’s still early and she has to go back to sleep.

“Close your eyes sweety,” I say, “it’s still sleepy time, the sun isn’t up yet”.  She nods her little head in agreement and pulls the blanket back over herself.  “I want bottle” she starts to whine.  I get her some milk, hoping it will tie her over and help her get back to sleep.  It’s a habit I have been trying to break, she loves her milk bottle in the morning when she wakes up so early and sometimes even goes back to sleep again.  I close her door leaving only a small gap. All is quiet, she’s happy, I’m happy.

Today is garbage pick-up and I decide to take her dirty nappy out. The truck goes past at 7am and he’s always on time. I tip-toe past her room to the front door. The keys rattle as I turn them in the lock, the screen door squeaks just a little bit but loud enough for her young ears.  Not a sound from her room.  Its lovely and fresh outside, the air wakes me up but I want to go back to sleep.

I crawl back into bed trying to get to sleep, it took a while.  I must have dozed off into a micro sleep, couldn’t have been for long.  I open my eyes with my daughter’s face 2 inches away from mine.  With a big smile and as loud as she can she yells … “wake up mummy!”  And laughs.  She got that from the Wiggles, they say “Wake up Jeff” and he shakes himself as he wakes up.  It has become a game between the two of us, she plays it with her dad too… but sometimes it backfires… like today.

5:30am   “Honeybee!… why are you not sleeping? Today will be a long day for both of us”.  She is wide awake and I have zero chance of getting her to sleep but I try one more time.  “Hop up, come lie next to mummy and close your eyes, see mummy’s eyes are closed”.  She copies everything I say, in her babble.

“Close your ahyes (eyes).  Only lookie wit de ahyes”, she says innocently.  She’s still learning to pronounce the words properly.  “Lookie wit de ahyes”,  she repeats several times.  “Shhhh, sleep!” I growl.

Two seconds later she jumps up and slides down the side of the bed. The house is safe, she can’t get into trouble, she has toys and books to entertain herself.  I cannot help it, I listen out to her noises, what is she up to.  I needn’t to have worried she was back in a flash with two books, her hairband and her hairbrush and declares: “That maaine (mine), it go missi, it go missi”.

“What’s gone missing?” I ask but I cannot make out what she says.

I give up on the notion of any further sleep and get dressed.  What time is it?  Not even an hour has passed.  Little Miss M becomes more insistent and wails in a higher pitch: “It go missi, it go missi, oh no! Where is it?”.

I finally worked out that she wanted her toy necklace she was given for Christmas but we can’t find it anywhere.  I distract her, “what would you like to wear today, my sweet?”.  She walks purposefully to her wardrobe and points to her pretty dress. Something she has not done before.  I take the dress off the hanger and help her put it on.  She loves it, smiling and turns around in a twirl to make her dress flare up.  Then she remembers her necklace and starts looking again.  I busy myself in the kitchen and put the kettle on for a cup of coffee.  My kickstart it would seem, these days.

6:30am  Breakfast time.  Little Miss Independent does not want anything for breakfast, not even her favourite food, yoghurt.  She is becoming more insistent for something but I don’t know what she wants.  Opening and closing the fridge several times and tries to grab hold of whatever she can within her reach but above her eye level.  My patience is wearing thinner as she starts up her whining again.

Why do kids have to whine! For goodness sake!

I know she’s tired but can’t express it. Putting her back to bed is just as frugal. I grin and bear it but feel like mother wolf wanting to get her cub back into line.  She hasn’t really done anything to warrant it, except the whining perhaps.

Time passes slowly, we play a game, read a book and watch the garbage truck arrive, we wave to the garbage man, he waves back and again when he comes back down the road.  It’s time to change into her kindy clothes but once again Miss M decides its GAME ON and goes completely limp when I try to dress her.

It’s actually funny watching her as she collapses her whole body into a human heap, and she laughs her cute little gurgle laugh.  I tickle her knowing that usually does the trick but not today.  “I tickle you,” she laughs and bolts off down the passage, with no clothes on and as fast as her little legs would take her.

I see a little girl, she’s not a toddler anymore.  Has she grown overnight? She must have, no wonder she’s full of beans today, probably another developmental leap.

She sure is running, running with wolves.*

*Running with wolves is used as a metamorphosis by me to explain how I felt this morning. We do not have wolves in Australia, but some days I feel like I am the matriarchal wolf in a pack, fighting for survival. 

Image source: [IMG]http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc49/kfachko/ascension20by20denton20lund.jpg[/IMG]

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I just don’t get it….

19 January 2012

I just don’t get it….

In a previous blog I wrote about the Third Date Rules.  Since this blog went live I have had several conversations with men and women who are on the dating scene who shared with me why they agree that the third date IS a very important milestone in today’s modern dating world.  We all know and accept that long gone are the days where everything develops at a snail’s pace.  Everything has become instant – i.e. instant gratification.  This includes text messages, emails and chats prior to meeting each other.  It is rare to find people who don’t use their phones to text.  By the time you meet you already know a lot of each other.

Another interesting fact is that the longer you chat on the internet from first making contact with each other the less likely you are to meet each other.  If you follow the most basic rules:

* don’t tell someone your address,
* always meet in a public place, and
* make sure you are not followed when you go home

then there is no reason to delay meeting each other.

As a single parent on and off the dating scene I have always maintained a very simple CHECK list:

(C) Character:  Who is this person in front of me, is he who he says he is.

(H) Healthy Relationships:  Take time and ask about his relationships with extended family members (subtly please).  The answer reveals a lot about the person in front of you.

(E) Easy to be Around:  Do you have common interests? It is ok not to share everything but there has to be something.  Does he love sport but you hate it? Warning flag should go up.

(C) Children: Does he have an interest in your own child, i.e does he ask you about your child(ren) out of genuine interest.  We all know to watch how people interact with our kids but watch out for the one who shows no interest in the early days, it won’t change over time.

(K) Kindness:  I love this one.  How does someone react in a restaurant when the food is of a poor standard and should be sent back?  Kindness goes a long way.

I just don’t get it…

why are people not honest on the net?

I cannot tell you how many guys I have had to listen to who complain about women dating on the internet who lied about their age, have a photo 10 years younger than they are, describe themselves as other than what they really look like and the just plain negative profiles  …  until I point out to my date that guys do exactly the same and that I too have been caught out with a few who did it to me.   My dates then go on and tell me how they take the time to send out personal emails and just don’t get a response back; or that they have paid for so many coffees, meals etc and never to hear from that person again.

I just don’t get it … 

why do they have to complain about such people…. move on! NEXT…

Recently I met a guy I thought had a lot going for him, we clicked on many levels and ‘sealed the date’ with a couple of kisses and cuddles. We agreed on a time and place for a second date, chatted on the phone a few times during the week and confirmed our second date for that Friday.   Do you want to know what happened next?

Nothing… absolutely nothing!… not a  phone call to cancel, no text, no email… just no nothing!  Silence, total silence.  No, he wasn’t in a car accident because he was still active.

Yup, you guessed it… I just don’t get it when…

….someone does not have the decency to say “hey, I think you’re great but you’re not the one for me”… what’s all this kissing and cuddling and just disappearing?  I just don’t get it!

There’s a little man invading my dream….

17 January 2012

There’s a little man invading my dream….

It’s been a few days since I last posted something on here and I think I am having “blog publishing withdrawal symptoms”  (BPWS)

This happened partially due to work commitments but also the good ol’ writer’s block that has crept in on me.  The weather has played its part on my feelings too.  After having had several very hot days it has been raining non-stop.  I don’t mind the rain, just a ray of sunshine every now and then would have been nice, thank you very much….

So instead I thought I will share with you a poem that I have had for many years and read it every now and then (meaning every couple of years actually).   I do not claim my name to fame in writing this.  I pass this on to a girl who visited me in another country many years ago.  Her name is Stephanie.  Last name unknown.  She passed it on to me when I was going through a particular tough time.  This poem reminds me that WE DO HAVE OPTIONS and helps me sometimes with making some tough decisions.  I hope this may help someone out there too.

So if you recognise this as your poem, Stephanie, please contact me so that I can give you the credit where credit is due.

————————————————————

There’s a little man invading my dream

I cannot see him, and they can’t hear me scream.

I’m no hero, I want to save no souls

Just deliver me from evil as they say the story goes.

God cannot help me, for man he did create

And seemingly, intentionally, to leave me in this state.

No-one to hear my story, they’ve stories of their own

So other than a letter, I’m in this one alone.

A deep breath now, the tears bite back

And I’ll sit here at this table ’till I know how to attack.

First examine feelings, this much I have learnt

Carefully discover if I’m angry, or I’m hurt.

The second step are options, what to do and when

and once I have them sorted, confront the man,

and then….

Oh dear, he’s being nice to me, with this I cannot cope

All my well strung arguments in my throat are choked.

So I’ll resort to writing poems, they are my saving grace

And I’ll sleep on this tonight, perhaps the morning I can face.

(this poem is copyright protected)

When Your Kids push Your Buttons…

15 January 2012

When your Kids push your Buttons…

Who would have thought that a book written in 2003 by Bonnie Harris “When Your Kids Push Your Buttons, And What You Can Do About It” would spin me out tonight.

I had this book sitting on my bookshelf for ages.  It was for sale on eBay but no-one seemed to buy it and then I finally sold it today, hurrah!  I fanned the pages to make sure there is nothing in there that should not be there before wrapping it up for postage.

As I fanned the pages a certain heading caught my attention:
“She’s out to get me!”
  I stopped to read the rest.  I could not put the book down.  Little Miss M will be 3 in May and oh, how can she push MY buttons at such a young age!  I know she is a very clever, strong-willed individual and I certainly don’t want to break her spirit but I also had to find a way around our occasional conflicts.  Already in kindy she seems to be the leader by initiating games and the other kids follow her instructions.  I always admired that about her when I first heard about it from her teachers.  I was a follower, still am sometimes.  Although, I have to say, I never, ever thought or said my daughter is “out to get me”, it was just the heading that caught my attention.

What rattled my cage were the next few pages.  It made me review my own childhood.  Just to make it clear from the start, whilst I do believe we are shaped by our childhood, I never really thought there was anything terribly wrong with my childhood.  To this day I maintain I had a great childhood, in many ways very innocent too.  For the first time in my entire life I realise now that all I ever wanted to do was to keep the peace at home and gain my parent’s approval.  My sister was the feisty, fighting one, pushing my mother to the end of her tether until she exploded in anger.  I, on the other hand, did everything to please my mother.  To this day it is still the same!  I’m not saying I’m Miss Goody Two Shoes.  Oh yes, I was quite a rascal and tomboy from time to time too and certainly did get into trouble just as much.

So, back to the future, ….

What has this all to do with my daughter and I?  Well, from time to time since her toddler years started, we have our occasional battle of wills and thus far I believed that it was just a matter of me guiding her into doing what is the right thing to do and not really understanding why she won’t do it.  That is until I read further…

In essence, because I grew up trying to please my parents; unintentionally I wanted Little Miss M to please me too (per se).  Thus unwittingly I was trying to shape her into conforming to MY way just like my mother did when I grew up.  Most importantly, I know I am a very good mum to my little girl but sometimes when the battles of wills raged out of hand I doubted my ability to raise this child and occasionally thought that I wasn’t a good mum (just self-doubt).  I didn’t know how to get around these feelings until today.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have “mother issues” or any issues for that matter… it was just a lightbulb moment where I realised how I was raised is not necessarily how Little Miss Independent should or needs to be raised.

At a deeper level…

It also then occurred to me that since my separation from my daughter’s dad my confident levels have dipped considerably.  I thought it was just normal to feel that way and that it would take time to heal from these wounds.  I realise now that growing up and wanting to please everyone is something I continued doing throughout my adult life and in my relationships with partners and friends alike, putting their needs ahead of my own.  This is not something that can be changed overnight but certainly something I will be mindful of.

Another point I would like to make is that, as parents we are bound to make “mistakes”.  It is never our intention and we have the best in mind for our children.  Our parents made mistakes too but they may never realise it.  It is how WE perceive those mistakes and whether we choose to blame our parents for these “mistakes.  I don’t, do you?

Self-realisation is incredibly powerful and a great healer towards something better to come.

  (Image Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Goody_Two-Shoes_%281%29.jpg)

A mile-high co-incidence or is it fate?

13 January 2012

A mile-high co-incidence or is it fate?

Fate is … when you try to catch an earlier flight and the ground attendants say they can’t help even though you know in your heart that they could have if they wanted to.  You know there is a seat, you just want to get home, soak in the bath and just not think!  The day has been too long, its been hot and humid, tempers have flared…. give me a seat… damn it! you think to yourself.

There is no option but to sit it out.  Three hours it takes for your flight to arrive and with nothing better to do you order a beer and watch the cricket, nothing else showing anyway.  You don’t mind, you enjoy watching cricket.  One beer leads to a second one whilst glancing mildly bored at the clock for the umpteenth time.

Tick tick… an hour to go.

Your mind wanders to what could have been, you could have been home by now, soaking in that bath.

With a sigh of relief your flight is called, everybody congregates for the airplane shuffle, stashing their bags away.  Click click, you hear the seatbelts go, a sound that is muted somewhat into the recess of your brain as background noise.

You find your seat, the one you had booked earlier that day.  It’s always the same one coming back, if you’re lucky.

The humidity in the air made the air-vent form water droplets above your seat, it is wet.  You have to wait for clear passage before you can go and get to an attendant.  They are all busy with pre-preps.  Not really wanting to disturb but no other option, you walk to the front to ask for a cloth to wipe the seat with.

The attendant looks up, into your eyes and you see a microsecond of recognition.  Nah, figment of your imagination, she’s pretty you think.  They always are in their tight uniforms, make-up, hair, professional looking.  She said she will dry the seat for you and walks over to your seat.

Asking to see your ticket, a strange thing to do, you think.  She starts to laugh and you can’t understand why.

“You don’t remember me, do you?  We played as kids doctors and nurses” she said with a big grin on her face.  It dawned on you, that was over 30 years ago, your next-door neighbours, on THE farm.  You were maybe 8, she would have been 7 then.  Her crazy, German dad slashing the rocks.

“Slashing the rocks?”  I ask as he tells me the story.

“Yes, slashing the rocks, wrecked more slashers than you could poke a stick at”.

“Is she married? Has kids? Did you get her number?”

             ……… to be continued soon……

 
 
 
 
(Images are not of the actual persons involved)
 

Paranoia vs Advancement

12 January 2012

Paranoia vs. Advancement

In yesterday’s blog I shared my woes about how malware nearly destroyed my information on my laptop including many of my photos I had recently taken and other important information just because I forgot to back-up my computer.  Since then I have spoken to several people who are in the know i.e. IT geeks (said fondly) and everyone had one common message.  There is an increase in malware and virus activity this year, more vicious, more dangerous and anti-virus programs are struggling to keep up with them!

If you think about it long enough, of course there would be.  Social media are becoming a huge hot-spot for businesses hoping to gain market share in a very competitive world.  Everyone is fair game and an easy target to anyone who is set out to cause havoc and damage to unsuspecting businesses and individuals.

If that is not enough, how much information do you put out there about yourself?  Does your Facebook page show where (and when) you went to school, who you worked for in the past or in the present? Or do you, at the spur of the moment, “share” with your friends and family where you are right now via your phone because you are having a great time and want everyone to know it?  When last have you made a google search by entering your first and last name into it and see what comes up?  You would be surprised what you will find – and even just such an action could “help” google make yet another connection between the various dots.

I recently searched my name and would you believe something came up that was written via snail mail over 17 years ago!  Well, over 17 years ago internet was still in the infancy stages (so to speak) so I can only surmise that this particular company took it upon themselves to put my name and comment on their webpage without seeking my permission – not that they would know where to find me these days.  Needless to say, that problem was addressed very quickly (via email) and the comment removed.  It was an interesting exercise but I can’t help wondering, how futile will all of this become in years to come?  On the other side of the coin, an acquaintance recently said to me she doesn’t really care about all of this.  I am sure there are other people who feel the same way.

Are copyright infringements easier to trace these days?

Here begets another question, copyright infringements.  Again from my limited experience I know that behind the scenes your computer leaves crumbs or traces of who, where, when and how a piece was written or information entered but in reality, who really bothers with checking unless you are a big player and $$$ are at risk?  I do check occasionally and… by the way this piece is copyrighted but you are welcome to share my link.   🙂

vs. Advancement

Paranoia could creep in very easily here.  It is not my intention to cry wolf.  I do believe Social Media is a very useful tool and very important these days to help us reach a target that is otherwise unobtainable.  Put it this way, how else could we express our thoughts or present our wares more effectively if it was not for places such as WordPress, Facebook, Twitter and the new kid on the block Google+ and many others? How else could we reach out to other like-minded people or to friends who live in distant places if it were not for the same reason?

This is just food for thought.   I certainly don’t know enough about all of this stuff but I would be very interested in hearing what others have to say.  Are you thinking doom and gloom or just don’t care?  Please leave your comments below and share….

Back-up…. Back-up…. and Back off!

11 January 2011

Back-up…. Back-up…. and Back off!

Have you ever had that sinking feeling, just when you are thinking about backing up your work, you realise your computer is heading for a crash landing ….and then its too late!

Yep, that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday.  I advocate backing up computers all the time but when my own system failed my heart sank to my toes, knowing I had not followed my own council.

It happened when I was pounding away on the keyboard, wanting to get my blog out before turning in for the night, and then…. suddenly my laptop screen lit up like a christmas tree

Warning 14 critical errors!             (it said in bold and red colours, just to make sure I didn’t miss it)

Warning System overheating

Warning do this, do that!

blink … blink … blink….

Back-off!

I am not a techie, in fact I know very little about how computers function or how to fix a problem.  It’s like asking a neurosurgeon to fix a car.  That’s me.  My strengths are in understanding and grasping various programs but not what makes them drive.  Common sense prevailed here and I decided to back-off and not do what “it” (the monster) told me to do, namely “click here to fix”.

I did the only sensible thing I could think off and that was to shut the laptop down and leave it alone until the morning.  Then curiosity got the cat and I decided to have one more sneak peek at “the monster” hoping it had miraculously disappeared since shutting the laptop down.

Nope, no-way ….

Warning 14 critical errors.

Warning System overheating

Warning do this, do that!

blink … blink … blink….

… panic set it.  It was way past midnight, no freshly pressed blog, overtired and an early start in the morning and absolutely nothing I could do about it.  By ‘it’ I meant my horrible, sinking feeling that all my photos, my documents and everything else was lost, gone, forever! just because I neglected to back up every day or even just a week ago.

The next day…

Nothing is ever as bad the next day as it was the night before, or is it?

Little Miss M was in an interesting, mischievous mood when she woke up, and all my attention was fortunately focused on her.  We had to get ready.  I was heading down to the coast for some business.  By the time I dropped my daughter off at kindy I was running well and truly behind.  Fortunately traffic was kind to me and I got on the road in no time.  We are in the middle of a heat-wave so the air-conditioned car was bliss.

If you are like me, I drive and think and usually come up with some very creative ideas.  Thinking clears my mind.  In fact I was so calm about my laptop disaster that I watched with some mild horror road-rage happening right in front of my eyes and just… backed-off.  In a fleeting moment I wondered what the rest of my day would be like.

Friends in need, are friends indeed

A long-term friend who happens to live on the Gold Coast and runs his own computer repair business came to the rescue.  Of course he admonished me sternly for not backing up my laptop and in the same breath said… “its malware, a particular nasty one at that!”   Oh dear, just what I wanted to hear!

Fortunately he was able to fix my laptop… Thanks Dean! x